Things seemed to have picked up this week. Hope all goes well. I would really like to spend more time with girl. QUALITY time. I dont want to spend time quarrelling. I dont mind spending time arguing. Arguing is one of the miraculous things in our relationship. We are able to be really frank and peak our minds, talk over issues that we might have differences over. We may not have a conclusion, but we understood each other better... Or at least I do.

Just thought of this... During the course of arguing, there are indeed many issues tht reach the stage of "it-that-shall-not-be-continued"... We quarentined these issues aside and these will be issues that I know that I have to be careful when coming to it. I will take extra caution to not cross the line when talking about it. Or sometimes, I would just not make any comment on it. Well, I believe that is called give-n-take... or perhaps understanding. It is impossible for 2 person living together to agree totally on ALL issues... Ahhh, those issues that arent agreed upon will have to be compromise. Jack Neo sang this song "Jie2 Hun1" a.k.a "marriage". It spoke of compromise and that IF any couple is able to compromise, it would be a key factor to successful marriage.

Coming to this, however, no matter how high a person tolerance is, there is a limit to it. It cant always be one person sacrificing and doing the compromise. Both have to give in as much to make everything happen. Compromise is a 2 person thing, so is marriage.

Another key factor is COMMITMENT i guess... needless to say, the very clinche sentence: It takes 2 hands to clap. IF it is always one party doing the work, the party will get tired... IF the receiving hand does not make an attempt to meet the swinging hand, the swinging hand will be tired due to constant trying... Yeah, clinche as it is, it speaks a thousand words. Somehow, I think there is some lacking in this in my relationship...

I believe communication is important too... WE MUST TALK... Any problems can be solved. BUT before it can be solved, it has to be discovered! Solutions can also be shared through communication... It all loops in a circle... Magic...

Happy New Year
ZJ

Just feeling weird. Tired. Real tired.

Sometimes, I just dont seem to understand some of the thing that happen around us... Why is that so?? I dont understand again... Communication? I thought for a moment that it had picked up... but... it just seems to stop short of something.

When I looked back to the past, I felt that things had changed. Much had changed. It is true that some changes are inevitable. However, these changes just seem to make me feel real weird, insecure. When i watched a movie last week, I felt so uneasy for the next few day that I felt like shutting myself up in a room and sleep. I dont want to think about it... I dont...

When you have expectations, you have to expect to feel hurt too, cos sometimes things dont go as expected. Guess I failed to prepare myself well. I thought that I would really enjoy myself, have a quiet moment at night chatting... but, it never happened. I sat on the wooden bench, listening to the sounds of gushing water. I was almost positive that I would have company if this is to happen one/two years ago... I turned in after a while. I woke u next morning hoping that there could be a little chance of living my dream, but I was too naive. Things have changed.

I wonder what will I be doing in the upcoming months. I wonder WHO will I be participating in activities with. I have no idea. Everything is changing, and I have no power and no control in it...

It is real sad that I have to just move on with my life, a step each time, not knowing whats gonna happen, not having control of it.

Next checkpoint: 2006. ORD. 3 months of free time. Let me not pen a similiar entry by then...

Perhaps Loved
ZJ